why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
