she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
