So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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