Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
