in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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