My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize