Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
