I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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