I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
