i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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