I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
