I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
