So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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