Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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