I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
