nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
