drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
