all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
