this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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