Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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