It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So much rum. So many feels.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
