It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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