And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
