Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
