Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
