ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
