shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Congratulations! We have a period
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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