so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
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PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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