all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
