i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
