went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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