There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
