i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
