I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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