I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize