ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
