Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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