The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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