He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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