porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
