i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.