how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
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I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.