I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
