It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
