just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
