I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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