Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
why is half of my head shaved?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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