Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
