You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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