Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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