you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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