Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
