I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
this boner is exhausting
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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