I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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