I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
