I just threw up on my dentist
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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