I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
