thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
