If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You are a genius and a whore.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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