dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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