He had one of those small greek statue penises
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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