hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
