So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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