Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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