I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
