So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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