he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
