if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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