After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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