I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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