You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
