just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
