I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My ass is underappreciated
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
