I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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