So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The feeling are messing with the penis
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
