My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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