When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
