your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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