saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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