A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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