i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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