her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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